'The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People', Stephen R. Covey

Rating: 9/10

Overall Thoughts

Being an individual who constantly strives to be a better version of myself each day, I was looking for a book which could motivate me and help me gain further insight on how to be more productive and organized on a daily basis.  Reading this book made me realize that physical and mental developments alone will not be sufficient if the spiritual and emotional aspects are being neglected.

The basic ideas being conveyed in this book are that real change happens from the inside out, that we should center our lives on correct principles which will empower us to be better individuals.   If we want to make significant changes, we should work on the way we perceive, understand, and interpret situations.  Stephen Covey highlighted that majority of us aspire to be more independent, to be able to achieve what we want through personal efforts; however, we should aim to become interdependent, that is, to combine our personal efforts with the efforts of others to accomplish greater success.

The Seven Habits are easy to understand given the inclusion of several personal life illustrations by Stephen Covey, albeit the Habits alone may be a little difficult to apply in practice.  Nevertheless, this book is an excellent read which will enable you to reflect and make positive changes in your personal and professional lives.

Summary of 'The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People'

Habit 1: Be Proactive

• Take initiative.  Many people wait for something to happen or someone to take care of them, but people who end up with the good jobs are the proactive ones who are solutions to problems, not problems themselves.  
• Proactive people focus their efforts on things they can do something about (Circle of Influence).  In contrast, reactive people focus on the weakness of other people, the problems in the environment, and circumstances over which they have no control (Circle of Concern).  The negative energy generated by that focus, combined with neglect in areas they could not do something about, causes their Circle of Influence to shrink.  
• The proactive approach is to change from the inside-out: to be different, and by being different, to effect positive change in what's out there.  
• Stop looking at your problems or concerns in terms of "If only I have... If only I had...", instead, start focusing on "I can be...".  
• The proactive approach to a mistake is to acknowledge it instantly, correct and learn from it.  This literally turns a failure into a success.  But not to acknowledge a mistake, not to correct it and learn from it puts a person on a self-deceiving, self-justifying path, often involving rationalization (rational lies) to self and to others.   
• Look at the weaknesses of others with compassion, not accusation.  It's not what they're not doing or should be doing that's the issue.  The issue is your own chosen response to the situation and what you should be doing.  

Habit 2: Begin With the End in Mind

• This Habit basically means to start with a clear understanding of your destination, to know where you're going so that you better understand where you are now and so that the steps you take are always in the right direction.     
• Have a Personal Mission Statement - Visions and values which direct your life.  This will form the basic direction from which you set your long and short-term goals.  It should be personal, positive, in present tense, visual, and emotional.  
• More often that not, a person's center comprises of a combination of other centers such as spouse, family, money, work, possession, pleasure, friend, enemy, church or self.  As a person fluctuates from on center to another, this results in an inconsistent sense of direction, no persistent wisdom, no steady power supply or sense of personal, intrinsic worth and identity.  
• The ideal is to have a principle-center from which we can create a solid foundation for development of the four life-support factors (security, guidance, wisdom, power), empowering our proactivity and giving harmony to every part of our lives.  

Habit 3: Put First Things First

• Distinguish between urgent and important matters.  Important matters contribute to your mission, your values, your high priority goals.  If we don't have a clear idea of what is important, we are easily diverted into responding to the urgent.  
• Decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage to say "no" to other things.  
• Management follows leadership.  The way you spend your time is a result of the way you see your time and the way you really see your priorities.  
• The key is not to prioritize what's on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.  
• Make a list of responsibilities you could delegate and the people you could delegate to or train to be responsible in these areas.  
• Organize your roles and goals on a weekly basis.  

Habit 4: Think Win-Win

• Win/Win is based on the paradigm that there is plenty for everybody, that one person's success is not achieved at the expense or exclusion of the success of others.  It involves mutual learning, mutual influence, mutual benefits.  
• If you can't reach a true Win/Win, you're very often better off to go for No Deal.  This means that if we can't find a solution that would benefit us both, we agree to disagree agreeably.  However, this might not be a viable option in a continuing business relationship.    
• The essence of principled negotiation is to separate the person from the problem, to focus on interests and not on positions, to invent options for mutual gain, and to insist on objective criteria - some external standard of principle that both parties can buy into.  

1. See the problem from the other party's point of view.  Really seek to understand and to give expression to the needs and concerns of the other party as well as or better than they can themselves.  
2. Identify the key issues and concerns (not positions) involved.  
3. Determine what results would constitute a fully acceptable solution.  
4. Identify possible new options to achieve those results.  

Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood

• Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.  They're either speaking or preparing to speak.  
• Emphatic listening involves getting inside another person's frame of reference.  Its essence is to fully, deeply, understand that person, emotionally as well as intellectually.  
• When listening to others, avoid evaluating (agreeing or disagreeing), probing (asking questions from a personal frame of reference), advising (giving counsel based on personal experience), and interpreting (trying to figure people out, explain their motives, their behavior, based on personal motives and behavior).  
• Don't push; be patient; be respectful.  People don't have to open up verbally before you can empathize.  You can be discerning, sensitive, and aware.  
• When you can present your own ideas clearly, specifically, visually, and most important, contextually - in the context of other people's paradigms and concerns - you significantly increase the credibility of your ideas.  

Habit 6: Synergize

• The essence of synergy is to value differences - to respect them, to build on strengths, to compensate for weaknesses.  The key to valuing those differences is to realize that all people see the world, not as it is, but as they are.  
• When you communicate synergistically, you begin with the belief that parties involved will gain more insight, and that the excitement of that mutual learning and insight will create a momentum towards more and more insights, learnings, and growth.  
• The more genuine the involvement, the more sincere and sustained the participation in analyzing and solving problems, the greater the release of everyone's creativity, and of their commitment to what they create.  
• You can be synergistic within yourself even in the midst of a very adversarial environment.  You don't have to take insults personally.  You can sidestep negative energy; you can look for the good in others and utilize that good to improve your point of view and to enlarge your perspective.  
• When you see only two alternatives - yours and the "wrong" one - you can look for a synergistic third alternative.  There is always a third alternative, and if you work with a Win/Win philosophy and really seek to understand, you usually can find a solution that will be better for everyone concerned.  

Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw

• This means exercising all four dimensions of our nature - physical, social/emotional, mental, spiritual - regularly and consistently in wise and balanced ways.  
• Physical dimension: Eating the right kinds of foods, getting sufficient rest and relaxation, and exercising on a regular basis.  
• Spiritual dimension: This draws upon the sources that inspire and uplift you and tie you to the timeless truths of all humanity,  Immersion in great literature or great music can provide a similar renewal of the spirit for some people.  
• Mental dimension: Continuing education, continually honing and expanding the mind, is vital mental renewal.  Keeping a journal of our thoughts, experiences, insights, and learnings promote mental clarity, exactness, and context.  Organizing and planning represent other forms of mental renewal associated with Habits 2 and 3.  
• Social/emotional dimension: This centers on the principles of interpersonal relationship, emphatic communication, and creative cooperation.  
• Organizational as well as individual effectiveness requires development and renewal of all four dimensions in a wise and balanced way.  Any dimension that is neglected will create negative force field resistance that pushes against effectiveness and growth.  

Note: If you're confused on the concepts or application of these Seven Habits, I assure you that everything will fall into perspective once you've read the whole book.

'The Definitive Book of Body Language', Allan and Barbara Pease

Rating: 10/10

Overall Thoughts

If you are someone who is about to go for an interview, or someone who is trying to figure out why your employees or co-workers are constantly avoiding you, or someone who wants to improve their social and business skills, or if you are just curious to know more about body language like me, then I definitely recommend picking up a copy of this book.  The simple language used and the illustrations provided makes understanding what the authors are trying to convey with ease.  

Majority of us do not realize just how much our daily physical movements and gestures give away our true intentions.  This book enable readers to gain a better ability in reading peoples' attitudes and emotions through their behaviour.  I fully agree with the authors that understanding how something works makes living with it easier, whereas ignorance and lack of understanding promote fear and superstition and make us more critical of others.  

The Definitive Book of Body Language is split into nineteen chapters, each chapter focusing on specific areas.  The use of sub-headings and sub-sections are definitely a plus point, as you can simply begin reading any page at random.  

Reading this book will teach you how body language reveals emotions and thoughts, how to spot a liar, what your handshake says about you, the power of touch, how not to offend other cultures, the benefits of mirroring, how women and men attract the opposite sex, the secret signals your legs are giving out, keys to making great first impressions, the importance of seating arrangements, and many more valuable information.  

Listed below are some of my takeaways from reading this book:

• The palm-up position indicates a submissive, non-threatening gesture; whereas facing your palm downwards projects authority.   
• False smiles pull back only the mouth, whereas real smiles pull back both the mouth and eyes.  
• Crossing your arms portrays negativity and defensiveness, usually either a hostile attitude or a sense of insecurity exists.  
• The common lying gestures include covering the mouth, touching the nose, rubbing the eyes, grabbing the ears, scratching the neck, pulling the collar, and fingers in the mouth.  
• Our pupils will dilate when we see someone attractive.  
• Contrary to popular belief, most liars will look you in the eye.  
• If a person is remembering something that they saw, their eyes will move upward.  If they are recalling something they heard, they look to the side and tilt their head as if listening.  If they are recalling a feeling or emotion, they'll look down and to the right.  When a person is mentally talking to themselves, they look down and to the left.  
• Open legs indicate openness or dominance, while crossed legs show a closed, submissive, or defensive attitude.  
• Mirroring a person's body language makes them feel accepted and creates a natural bond.  
• Never speak at a faster rate than the other person.  Pacing is critical, so speak at the same rate or slightly slower than the other person.  
• Common female courtship gestures and signals include the head toss and hair flick; wet lips and pouting, mouth slightly open; self-touching; limp wrist; fondling a cylindrical object; exposed writs; sideways glance over raised shoulder; rolling hips; pelvic tilt; handbag in close proximity; knee pointing at the most interesting person; shoe fondling; and leg twine.  
• Strategies for giving you the extra edge: stand up for meetings; sit competitors with their backs to the door; keep your fingers together; keep your elbows out; use power words (discovery, guarantee, love, proven, results, save, easy, health, money, new, safety, you); carry a slim briefcase; and watch their coat buttons - buttoned coats indicate close-mindedness.  

Note: You will be subconsciously reading people and analyzing their behaviour after you are done with this book!