'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck', Mark Manson

Rating: 5/10

Overall Thoughts

The author takes a very different approach in writing this book, as unlike other self-help books, Manson does not sugar coat anything.  It took me a while to get comfortable with all the 'f' words being used as well as the crude and vulgar language.

In 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck', the author encourages readers to limit their concern over things that have little to no meaning or value in their lives.  It provides a brutally honest reality check about our personal problems, fears and expectations towards life.

Manson suggests that "Knowing yourself or finding yourself can be dangerous.  It can cement you into a strict role and saddle you with unnecessary expectations.  It can close you off to inner potential and outer opportunities."  He tells his readers to not find themselves and never know who they are, "Because that's what keeps you striving and discovering."

I do not necessarily agree with this.  And Manson seems to contradict himself a lot, as later on in the book he tells his readers to "Define yourself in the simplest and most ordinary ways possible."  Won't you need to know yourself in order to define yourself?

Further, Manson writes "Conflict is not only normal, then; it's absolutely necessary for the maintenance of a healthy relationship.  If two people who are close are not able to hash out their differences openly and vocally, then the relationship is based on manipulation and misrepresentation, and it will slowly become toxic."  Just because some couples (like me) do not argue, it does not indicate that the relationship is toxic or isn't genuine. 

Conclusion: good read but not my cup of tea.

Lessons From 'A Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

• Self-improvement and success often occur together.  But that doesn't necessarily mean they're the same thing.

• The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience.  And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one's negative experience is itself a positive experience. The idea that the more you pursue feeling better all the time, the less satisfied you become, as pursuing something only reinforces the fact that you lack it in the first place.

• Finding something important and meaningful in your life is perhaps the most productive use of your time and energy.  Because if you don't find that meaningful something, your f*cks will be given to meaningless and frivolous causes.

• Practical enlightenment is becoming comfortable with the idea that some suffering is always inevitable - that no matter what you do, life is comprised of failures, loss, regrets, and even death.

• Greatness is merely an illusion in our minds, a made-up destination that we obligate ourselves to pursue, our own psychological Atlantis.

• We are wired to become dissatisfied with whatever we have and satisfied by only what we do not have.

• Don't hope for a life without problems.  There's no such thing.  Instead, hope for a life full of good problems.

• Happiness comes from solving problems.  If you're avoiding your problems or feel like you don't have any problems, then you're going to make yourself miserable.  If you feel like you have problems that you can't solve, you will likewise make yourself miserable.  The secret sauce is the solving of the problems, not in not having problems in the first place.  True happiness occurs only when you find the problems you enjoy having and enjoy solving.

• An obsession and overinvestment in emotion fails us for the simple reason that emotions never last.  What makes us happy today will no longer make us happy tomorrow, because our biology always needs something more.  A fixation on happiness inevitably amounts to a never-ending pursuit of "something else".  And despite all of our sweat and strain, we end up feeling eerily similar to how we started: inadequate.

• What determines your success isn't, "What do you want to enjoy?" The relevant question is, "What pain do you want to sustain?"  Our struggles determine our successes.

• The ticket to emotional heath, like that to physical health, is, accepting the bland and mundane truths of life: truths such as "Your actions actually don't matter that much in the grand scheme of things" and "The vast majority of your life will be boring and not noteworthy, and that's okay."

• If  suffering is inevitable, if our problems in life are unavoidable, then the question we should be asking is not "How do I stop suffering?" but "Why am I suffering - for what purpose?"

• If you want to change how you see your problems, you have to change what you value and/or how you measure failure/success.

• People who base their self-worth on being right about everything prevent themselves from learning from their mistakes.  They lack the ability to take on new perspectives and empathize with others.  They close themselves off to new and important information.

• Denying negative emotions leads to experiencing deeper and more prolonged negative emotions and to emotional dysfunction.  Constant positivity is a form of avoidance, not a valid solution to life's problems.  The trick with negative emotions is to 1) express them in a socially acceptable and healthy manner and 2) express them in a way that aligns with your values.

• When we feel that we're choosing our problems, we feel empowered.  When we feel that our problems are being forced upon us against our will, we feel victimized and miserable.  We don't always control what happens to us.  But we always control how we interpret what happens to us, as well as how we respond.

• The more we choose to accept responsibility in our lives, the more power we will exercise over our lives.  Accepting responsibility for our problems is thus the first step to solving them.

• Nobody else is ever responsible for your situation but you.  Many people may be to blame for your unhappiness, but nobody is ever responsible for your unhappiness but you.  This is because you  always get to choose how you see things, how you react to things, how you value things. 

• Certainty is the enemy of growth.  Instead of striving for certainty, we should be in constant search of doubt.  Being wrong opens us up to the possibility of change.  Being wrong brings the opportunity for growth.

• The more you embrace being uncertain and not knowing, the more comfortable you will feel in knowing what you don't know.

• We can be truly successful only at something we're willing to fail at.  If we're unwilling to fail, then we're unwilling to succeed.

• We need some sort of existential crisis to take an objective look at how we've been deriving meaning in our life, and then consider changing course.

• For a relationship to be healthy, both people must be willing and able to both say no and hear no.

• Death is the only thing we can know with any certainty.  The only way to be comfortable with death is to understand and see yourself as something bigger than yourself; to choose values that stretch beyond serving yourself, that are simple and immediate and controllable and tolerant of the chaotic world around you.

'The Sun and Her Flowers', Rupi Kaur

Rating: 6/10

Overall Thoughts

'The Sun and Her Flowers' is divided into five chapters, each reflecting a floral theme, and it takes you on a journey of wilting, falling, rooting, rising and blooming.

Wilting is essentially about breakups, and it signifies a person's heart shattering.  Falling is its downfall, and is portrayed by Rupi Kaur as the process of coming into terms with yourself and the first attempt at achieving recovery.  Rooting is the process of regaining strength and self-worth.  The author's experiences as an immigrant who moved from Punjab to Canada is strongly reflected in this chapter.  Rising is about finding love and relationships.  And finally, Blooming is about self-love, self-actualisation, and feeling comfortable within one's own skin.

The author's writing has definitely grown and evolved since 'Milk and Honey', and this book felt much more personal.  In 'The Sun and Her Flowers', her poems contain controversial and difficult subject matters such as immigration, refugees, mental illness, rape, abuse and sexual empowerment, as opposed to only talking about feminism and love.  

Favourites from 'The Sun and Her Flowers'

"in order to fall asleep
i have to imagine your body
crooked behind mine
spoon ladled into spoon
till i can hear your breath
i have to recite your name
till you answer and
we have a conversation
only then
can my mind
drift off to sleep"

.....

"it isn't what we left behind
that breaks me
it's what we could've built
had we stayed"

.....

"love does not look like a person
love is our actions
love is giving all we can
even if it's just the bigger slice of cake
love is understanding
we have the power to hurt one another
but we are going to do everything in our power
to make sure we don't
love is figuring out all the kind sweetness we deserve
and when someone shows up
saying they will provide it as you do
but their actions seem to break you
rather than build you
love is knowing whom to choose"

.....

"you cannot 
walk in and out of me
like a revolving door
i have too many miracles
happening inside me
to be your convenient option"

.....

"you call to tell me you miss me
i turn to fact the front door of the house
waiting for a knock
days later you call to say you need me
but still aren't here
the dandelions on the lawn
are rolling their eyes in disappointment
the grass has declared you yesterday's news
what do i care
if you love me
or miss me
or need me
when you aren't doing anything about it
if i'm not the love of your life
i'll be the greatest loss instead"

.....

"where do we go from here my love
when it's over and i'm standing between us
whose side do i run to
when every nerve in my body is pulsing for you
when my moth waters at the thought
when you are pulling me in just by standing there
how do i turn around and choose myself"

.....

"you are waiting for someone 
who is not coming back
meaning
you are living our life
hoping that someone will realize
they can't live theirs without you"

.....

"i do not weep
because i'm unhappy
i weep because i have everything
yet i am unhappy"

.....

"you must remember it too
how the rest of the city slept
while we sat awakened for the first time
we hadn't touched yet
but we managed to travel in and out
of each other with our words
our limbs dizzying with enough electricity
to form half a sun
we drank nothing that night
but i was intoxixated
i went home and thought
are we soul mates"

.....

"why am i always running in circles
between wanting you to want me
and when you want me
deciding it is too emotionally naked
for me to live with
why do i make loving me so difficult
as if you should never have to witness
the ghosts i have tucked under my breast
i used to be more open
when it came to matters like this my love"

.....

"i say maybe this is a mistake.  maybe we need more than love
to make this work.
you place your lips on mine.  when our faces are buzzing with
the ecstasy of kissing you say tell me that isn't right.  and as
much as i'd like to think with my head.  my racing heart is all
that makes sense.  there.  right there is the answer you're
looking for.  in my loss of breath.  my lack of words.  my
silence.  my inability to speak means you've filled my
stomach with so many butterflies that even if this is a
mistake.  it could only be right to be this wrong with you."

.....

"it has been one of the greatest and most difficult years of
my life.  i learned everything is temporary.  moments.  
feelings.  people.  flowers.  i learned love is about giving.
everything.  and letting it hurt.  i learned vulnerability is
always the right choice because it is easy to be cold in a 
world that makes it so very difficult to remain soft.  i learned
all things come in twos.  life and death.  pain and joy.  salt and
sugar.  me and you.  it is the balance of the universe.  it has
been the year of hurting so bad but living so good.  making
friends out of strangers.  making strangers out of friends.
learning mint chocolate chip ice cream will fix just about
everything.  and for the pains it can't there will always be my
mother's arms.  we must learn to focus on warm energy.
always.  soak our limbs in it and become better lovers to the 
world.  for if we can't learn to be kind to each other how will
we ever learn to be kind to the most desperate parts of 
ourselves."

'The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari', Robin S. Sharma

Rating: 8/10

Overall Thoughts

This is the sort of book that will add value and essence to your life. It will give you direction when you're going through hard times and are at your lowest point.  It makes you ponder about your life and guide you to ask yourself, "am I happy with my life right now?" "what is my life purpose?" "how can I achieve happiness?"

The book essentially discusses the Seven Virtues of Enlightened Learning, which are:-

1. Master your mind
2. Follow your purpose
3. Practice kaizen
4. Live with discipline
5. Respect your time
6. Selflessly serve others
7. Embrace the present

Each of these Virtues are discussed in some detail in separate chapters, each of them with a number of concepts and habits to develop.  Though these may not be new concepts, the Virtues explained in the book are easily applicable to one's life.

'The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari' is one of the best self-help books I’ve read to date.  It’s rare to find a book that offers a story and a plethora of inspirational quotes, which actually make you think about your life. 

Lessons from 'The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari'

1. Every event has a purpose and every setback its lesson.  I have realized that failure, whether of the personal, professional or even spiritual kind, is essential to personal expansion.  It brings inner growth and a whole host of psychic rewards.  Never regret your past.  Rather, embrace it as the teacher that it is.
2. I've also come to see that success on the outside means nothing unless you also have success within.  There is a huge difference between well-being and being well-off.
3. Investing in yourself is the best investment you will ever make.  It will not only improve your life, it will improve the lives of all those around you.
4. It is only when you have mastered the art of loving yourself that you can truly love others.  It's only when you have opened your own heart that you can touch the hearts of others.  When you feel centered and alive, you are in a much better position to be a better person.
5. To live life to the fullest, you must stand guard at the gate of your garden and let only the very best information enter.  You truly cannot afford the luxury of a negative thought - not even one ... the ones who do more than just exist, the ones who fan the flames of their human potential and truly savor the magical dance of life do different things than those whose lives are ordinary.  Foremost amongst the things that they do is adopt a positive paradigm about their world and all that is in it.
6. There are no mistakes in life, only lessons.  There is no such thing as a negative experience, only opportunities to grow, learn and advance along the road of self-mastery.  From struggle comes strength.  Even pain can be a wonderful teacher.
7. Find out what you truly love to do and then direct all of your energy towards doing it ... Once you find out what your life's work is, your world will come alive.  You will wake up every morning with a limitless reservoir of energy and enthusiasm.  All your thoughts will be focused on your definite objective.
8. There is nothing noble about being superior to some other person.  True nobility lies in being superior to your former self.
9. It doesn't matter what other people say about you.  What is important is what you say to yourself.  Do not be concerned with the judgment of others so long as you know what you are doing is right.
10. The purpose of life is a life of purpose.  Those who are truly enlightened know what they want out of life, emotionally, materially, physically and spiritually.
11. The real source of happiness can be stated in a word: achievement.
12. Concentrate every ounce of your mental energy on self-discovery.  Learn what you excel at and what makes you happy.
13. When  you decide to start concentrating your mind on your life's main aims, your mind starts to filter out the unimportant and focus only on the important.
14. Have a clear vision of your outcome.  Create positive pressure to keep you inspired.  Never set a goal without attaching a timeline to it.
15. Never do anything because you have to.  The only reason to do something is because you want to and because you know it is the right thing for you to do.
16. What lies behind you and what lies in front of you is nothing when compared to what lies within you.
17. The only limits on your life are those that you set yourself.
18. Ensure that your daily schedule includes a mandatory period of peace.
19. Words affect the mind in a pronounced way.  Whether they are spoken or written, they are powerful influences.  While what you say to others is important, even more important is what you say to yourself.
20. Strengthening your character affects the way you see yourself and the actions you take.  The actions you take come together to form your habits and, this is important, your habits lead you to your destiny.
21. Focus only on your priorities, those activities which are truly meaningful.  Your life will be uncluttered, rewarding and exceptionally peaceful ... unless you reduce your needs, you will never be fulfilled.
22. Failure is not having the courage to try, nothing more and nothing less.  The only thing standing between most people and their dreams ifs the fear of failure.  Yet failure is essential to success in any endeavor.  Failure tests us and allows us to grow.  It offers us lessons and guides us along the path of enlightenment.
23. The most meaningful things in your life should never be sacrificed to those that are the least meaningful ... failing to plan is planning to fail.
24. Being engaged in a pursuit that truly challenges you is the surest route to personal satisfaction.  But the real key to remember is that happiness is a journey, not a destination.
25. Never put off happiness for the sake of achievement.  Never put off the things that are important for your well-being and satisfaction to a later time.
26. Life doesn't always give you what you ask for, but it always gives you what you need.

'Milk and Honey', Rupi Kaur

Rating: 5/10

Overall Thoughts

Split into four chapters, (i) the hurting, (ii) the loving, (iii) the breaking, and (iv) the healing, Rupi Kaur writes about experiences of love, loss, violence, abuse and femininity in 'Milk and Honey'.  However, majority of Kaur's poetry are just simple sentences broken up with spaces.  Therefore, this collection would not be to everyone's liking. 

The book is filled with beautiful illustrations/visuals and leaves readers with an important message :-

"sex takes the consent of two
if one person is lying there not doing anything
cause they are not ready
or not in the mood
or simply don't want to 
yet the other is having sex
with their body it's not love
it is rape"

Having recently worked with an independent feminist organization, I do believe that this book would be highly relatable to survivors of domestic abuse and intimate partner violence and to any women who have experienced any form of violence or discrimination. 

To survivors of rape:-

"the rape will
tear you 
in half
but it 
will not
end you"

Favourites from 'Milk and Honey'

"you have sadness

living in places

sadness shouldn't live"

.....

"you tell me to quiet down cause

my opinions make me less beautiful

but I was not made with a fire in my belly

so I could be put out

I was not made with a lightness on my tongue

so I could be easy to swallow

I was made heavy

half blade and half silk

difficult to forget and not east

for the mind to follow"

.....

"he placed his hands

on my mind

before reaching

for my waist

my hips

or my lips

he didn't call me

beautiful first

he called me

exquisite"

- how he touches me

.....

"i'd be lying if i said

you make me speechless

the truth is you make my

tongue so weak it forgets

what language to speak in"

.....

"I need someone

who knows struggle

as well as I do

someone

willing to hold my feet in their lap

on days it is too difficult to stand

the type of person who gives

exactly what I need

before I even know I need it

the type of lover who hears me

even when I do not speak

is the type of understanding

I demand"

- the type of lover I need

.....

"I always 

get myself

into this mess

I always let him

tell me I am beautiful

and half believe it

I always jump thinking

he will catch me

at the fall

I am hopelessly

a lover and

a dreamer and

that will be the 

death of me"

.....

"the next time you

have your coffee black

you'll taste the bitter

state he left you in

it will make you weep

but you'll never stop drinking

you'd rather have the

darkest parts of him

than have nothing"

.....

"I am confident I am over you. so much that some

mornings I wake up with a smile on my face and

my hands pressed together thanking the universe

for pulling you out of me. thank god I cry. thank

god you left. I would not be the empire I am today

if you had stayed.

but then.

there are some nights I imagine what I might do if

you showed up. how if you walked into the room

this very second every awful thing you've ever

done would be tossed out the closest window and 

all the love would rise up again. it would pour

through my eyes as if it never really left in the first

place. as if it's been practicing how to stay silent

so long only so it could be this loud on your arrival.

can someone explain that. how even when the love

leaves. it doesn't leave. how even when I am so

past you. I am so helplessly brought back to you."

'The God of Small Things', Arundhati Roy

Rating: 6.5/10

Overall Thoughts

Revolving around the themes of class relations and cultural tensions, forbidden love, betrayal, and social discrimination, 'The God of Small Things' is a tale set in Kerala (Southern India) about a fractured family who is unhappy in their own way, and through flashbacks and flashforwards, the author unravels the secrets of the family's unhappiness. 

It is essentially a story about the childhood experiences of fraternal twins Estha and Rahel whose lives are destroyed by the "Love Laws" that lay down "who should be loved, and how. And how much."  Even while reading the first thirty pages of the novel, you know bad things will happen, but it's not initially clear who are the perpetrators and how the story would eventually unfold.  

Definitely a thought-provoking novel.  The language used is both creative and original, but jumping back and forth in time makes it difficult to keep the characters and their timelines straight. 

Favourites from 'The God of Small Things'

"They sensed somehow that she lived in the penumbral shadows between two worlds, just beyond the grasp of their power.  That a woman they had already damned, now had little left to lose, and could therefore be dangerous."  

"'We're Prisoners of War,' Chacko said.  'Our dreams have been doctored.  We belong nowhere.  We sail unanchored on troubled seas.  We may never be allowed ashore.  Our sorrows will never be sad enough.  Our joys never happy enough.  Our dreams never big enough.  Our lives never important enough.  To matter.'"

"When you hurt people, they begin to love you less.  That's what careless words do.  They make people love you a little less."  

"If he touched her, he couldn't talk to her, if he loved her he couldn't leave, if he spoke he couldn't listen, if he fought he couldn't win."  

"Ammu shivered.  With that cold feeling on a hot afternoon that Life had been Lived.  That her cup was full of dust.  That the air, the sky, the trees, the sun, the rain, the light and darkness were all slowly turning to sand.  That sand would fill her nostrils, her lungs, her mouth.  Would pull her down, leaving on the surface a spinning swirl like crabs leave when they burrow downwards on a beach." 

"This man tonight is dangerous.  His despair complete.  This story is the safety net above which he swoops and dives like a brilliant clown in a bankrupt circus.  It's all he has to keep from crashing through the world like a falling stone.  It is his colour and his light.  It is the vessel into which he pours himself.  It gives him shape.  Structure.  It harnesses him.  It contains him.  His Love.  His Madness.  His Hope.  His Infinnate Joy."

"Change is one thing.  Acceptance is another."

"Biology designed the dance. Terror timed it.  Dictated the rhythm with which their bodies answered each other.  As though they knew already that for each tremor of pleasure they would pay with an equal measure of pain.  As though they knew that how far they went would be measured against how far they would be taken."  

'Sea of Strangers', Lang Leav

Rating: 6/10

Overall Thoughts

I've always loved Lang Leav's poetry, especially Memories.  She typically writes of love and loss, grief and healing, power and weakness.  However, unlike her previous books, Sea of Strangers takes readers through a journey of self-love and self-discovery; it highlights empowerment and being strong without the need of a relationship. 

Favourites from 'Sea of Strangers'

"There are days when the melancholy settles on you like a sudden change in weather.  The kind of sadness that is intangible.  Like the presence of an ache where you can't pinpoint exactly where it hurts, you just know it does."

***

"Men don't compare us with other women.  They compare us to an ideal." 

***

"I though of you with

my heart already broken; 

I thought of you

as it was breaking again.  

I think of you now, 

as I am healing.  

With somebody new - 

I'll think of you then."  

***

"When you don't have the whole attention of someone, 

you find yourself begging for it from everyone."

***

"If they were meant to be in your life, nothing could ever make them leave.  If they weren't, nothing in the world could make them stay."

***

"I shed my past like layers of skin.  I let them fall at my feet like discarded clothing.  

I pay my dues and make amends for the sins of my youth.  

I step out from the shadows and into the light, naked and free.  

I can hear my spirit singing.  I can feel my wings unfolding.  

And the sky is calling my name."

***

"It's possible to move on from someone even if your heart refuses to let go.  And it's not something you need to consciously do.  It will just happen gradually, over time.  The ache will always be there, but the intensity will fade, and you'll find other beautiful things to fill your days with."

***

"If there is someone else for you now, then why do you linger here?
We've said our goodbyes, but your eyes won't let me go.  
I can see it on your face, everything you have ever felt for me.  
My name is still written there, a trial in permanent ink, a transcript of your heart."

***

"I have moved so far away from you that I have become a myth; a lie you tell yourself each night.  I am the one true thing you've held in the palm of your hand, the key to everything you wanted.  

Your name smiles at me from a crumpled envelope, addressed to the past.  Unsent and unseen,  Inside I wrote you a story about the moon, how night after night the darkness carved at the pale curve of her body until she became half the woman she was.

There is a word that hurts my heart - one I don't ever say out loud.  Like the shadow that lingers in the light, I can't separate myself from your memory.  But there are some nights when I look up at the sky, and the moon is whole again."

***

"Today I feel small - looked down on and disregarded.  My thoughts are of little importance.  My words have no bearing on the weight of the world.  I am tired of being taken for granted.  If only I could get back a fraction of what I give.  But my efforts go unnoticed, and my soul keeps wishing to be noticed, to be valued; to be understood."

***

"There was a time when I felt everything there was to feel with you.  From blinding rage to bitter jealously; searing love to utter despair.  And then, the worst one of all - sweet, irrational hope - like a hypnotic melody leading me to the edge of a cliff. 

Here I am on the other side, the baptism of every human emotion.  What happens after you feel everything there is to feel?  Somehow, there is a sense of comfort in knowing nothing will ever hit me quite as hard again.  Nothing will ever be as beautiful, but neither will anything hurt as much."

'The Handmaid's Tail', Margaret Atwood

Rating: 8.5/10

Overall Thoughts

This dystopia is set in the Republic of Gilead, a totalitarian state that has replaced the United States of America.  Due to the dangerously low production rates, Handmaids are assigned to bear children for elite couples who have trouble conceiving.  Oppression is evident, as these Handmaids are assigned names that are not their own.  The protagonist is called "Offred"; she is of-Fred, essentially implying that she belongs to her Commander.  Once a month, on 'ceremonial nights', Offred must lie on her back, her head resting on the Commander's wife's lap, and have ritual sexual intercourse with the Commander. 

In the Republic of Gilead, women's freedom are restricted - women are enslaved, forbidden to read, stripped of their names and identities, and casually raped.  Further, the women are physically segregated according to the colour of their clothing - the Commander's wives are dressed in blue, Marthas (ie cooks and maids) in green, Handmaid's in red, and children in white. 

Overall, the plot is outstanding, though characterization in 'The Handmaid's Tale' is considerably weak.  I highly recommend watching the series adaptation of the book, as the expanded characters and additional sub-plots provides a better visual. 

Favourites from 'The Handmaid's Tale'

"I remember that yearning, for something that was always about to happen and was never the same as the hands that were on us there and then, in the small of the back, or out back, in the parking lot, or in the television room with the sound turned down and only the pictures flickering over lifting flesh."  

"The night is mine, my own time, to do with as I will, as long as I am quiet.  As long as I don't move.  As long as I lie still."  

"There's always someone else.  Even when there is no one."  

"We lived in the gaps between the stories."  

"My hands are shaking.  Why am I frightened?  I've crossed no boundaries, I've given no trust, taken no risk, all is safe.  It's the choice that terrifies me.  A way out, a salvation."  

"There's time to spare.  This is one of the things I wasn't prepared for - the amount of unfilled time, the long parentheses of nothing.  Time as white sound."

"I have failed once again to fulfil the expectations of others, which have become my own."  

"He too is illegal, here, with me, he can't give me away.  Nor I him; for the moment we're mirrors.  He puts his hand on my arm, pulls me against him, his mouth on mine, what else comes from such denial?"  

"...nobody dies from lack of sex.  It's lack of love we die from.  There's nobody here I can love, all the people I could love are dead or elsewhere.  Who knows where they are or what their names are now?  They might as well be nowhere, as I am for them.  I too am a missing person."  

"Sanity is a valuable possession; I hoard it the way people once hoarded money.  I save it, so I will have enough, when the time comes."  

"But who can remember pain, once it's over?  All that remains of it is a shadow, not in the mind even, in the flesh.  Pain marks you, but too deep to see.  Out of sight, out of mind."  

"But remember that forgiveness too is a power.  To beg for it is a power, and to withhold or bestow it is a power, perhaps the greatest."  

"To want is to have a weakness.  It's this weakness, whatever it is, that entices me.  It's like a small crack in a wall, before now impenetrable.  If I press my eye to it, this weakness of his, I may be able to see my way clear."  

"The more difficult it was to love the particular man beside us, the more we believed in Love, abstract and total." 

"Time has not stood still.  It has washed over me, washed me away, as if I'm nothing more than a woman of sand, left by a careless child too near the water.  I have been obliterated for her.  I am only a shadow now, far back behind the glib shiny surface of this photograph.  A shadow of a shadow, as dead mothers become.  You can see it in her eyes: I am not there."  

"I would like to be without shame.  I would like to be shameless.  I would like to be ignorant.  Then I would not know how ignorant I was."  

"I wish this story were different.  I wish it were more civilized.  I wish it showed me in a better light, if not happier, then at least more active, less hesitant, less distracted by trivia.  I wish it had more shape.  I wish it were about love, or even about sunsets, birds, rainstorms, or snow."  

"We make love each time as if we know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there will never be any more, for either of us, with anyone, ever.  And then when there is, that too is always a surprise, extra, a gift."