'101 Essays That Will Change The Way You Think', Brianna Wiest

Rating: 6.5/10

Lessons from '101 Essays That Change The Way You Think'

"...if you consciously learn to regard the "problems" in your life as opening for you to adopt a greater understanding and then develop a better way of living, you will step out of the labyrinth of suffering and learn what it means to thrive."

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"Accomplishing goals is not success. How much you expand in the process is."

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"You think "problems" are roadblocks to achieving what you want, when in reality they are pathways."

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"The things you love about others are the things you love about yourself. The things you hate about others are the things you cannot see in yourself."

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"There are many ideas that do not need or deserve to be validated, but everyone's feelings deserve to be seen and acknowledged and respected. Validating someone's emotions is validating who they really are, even if you would respond differently."

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"If you think love is something that exists anywhere but within your own mind and heart, you will never have it."

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"If you work on yourself enough, you'll understand what the struggle is for."

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"The point of hard work is to recognize the person it makes you, not what it "gets" you."

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"...happiness is a product of how you cope with your problems and whether or not you see them as the opportunities they are."

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"If you're wondering "what you should do with your life," it's likely that you're in the limbo between realizing you don't want what you once did, and giving yourself permission to want what you want now."

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"People don't thrive when they're fulfilled. They stagnate."

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"Find meaning and joy in the work you do, not the work you wish you did. Finding fulfillment in work is never about pursuing your idea of what your "purpose" is. It is always about infusing purpose into whatever it is you already do."

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"When you ask other people for advice on whatever you're worrying about, first ask yourself what you hope they'll say. That's what you want to tell yourself."

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"Focus on getting better, but let go of the end goal. You get better, not perfect."

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"To fully accept your life - the highs, lows, good, bad - is to be grateful for all of it, and to know that the "good" teaches you well, but the "bad" teaches you better.

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"It's not about following passion; it's about following purpose passionately."

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"Whenever there is a problem in your life, there is a problem with how you are thinking, reacting, or responding. Whatever you feel you are not receiving is a direct reflection of what you are not giving. Whatever you are angered by is what you aren't willing to see in yourself."

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"Nobody knows what they are "doing with their lives." Some people have a better idea of what they're working toward, but ultimately, none of us can accurately anticipate or summarize what your existence is about. Not yet."

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"All hatred is self-hatred. And everything is feedback."

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"The moment you know you're worth more than how you're seen, the moment you genuinely take stock in the notion that your life is more important than you, is the moment that everybody else's petty concerns fall to the wayside into the oblivion of unimportance. You become blind to them because you're only focused on what really does matter: you and whatever the hell you have to genuinely offer to the world."

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"There is no such thing as letting go; there's just accepting what's already gone,"

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"Every relationship you have is with yourself. Every person in whom you feel you return "home" to is just coming back to yourself.

It's always yourself you find at the end of the journey. The sooner you face you, the less you need other people to fill voids. (You cannot squeeze someone into your brokenness and expect that to make you whole.) The sooner you face you, the sooner other people's actions don't affect your negativity - your mindset doesn't depend on them. You don't depend on them. Relationships do not serve to give you eternal, perpetual happiness. They serve to make you more aware. The sooner you realize that said awareness is your own, the easier everything else is."

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"What we think, we become. And if what we are becoming is any indication, we are thinking far too much about the things that don't matter and not making room for uncertainty, for discomfort, for the things that are indeed unknown but which yield the best outcomes. The ones that are indeed larger than our mind's comprehension."

'Atomic Habits', James Clear

Rating: 7/10

Lessons From 'Atomic Habits'

• Changes that seem small and unimportant at first will compound into remarkable results if you're willing to stick with them for years.

• A slight change in your daily habits can guide your life to a very different destination. Making a choice that is 1% better or 1% worse seems insignificant in the moment, but over the span of moments that make up a lifetime these choices determine the difference between who you are and who you could be.

• True long term thinking is goal-less thinking. It's not about any single accomplishment. It is about the cycle of endless refinement and continuous improvement. Ultimately, it is your commitment to the process that will determine your progress.

• Changing our habits is challenging for 2 reasons: (1) we try to change the wrong thing and (2) we try to change our habits in the wrong way.

• The most effective way to change your habits is to focus not on what you want to achieve, but on who you wish to become.

• True behavior change is identity change. You might start a habit because of motivation, but the only reason you'll stick with one is that it becomes part of your identity.

• Your habits shape your identity, and your identity shapes your habits.

The Four Laws of Behavior Change

1. The 1st Law: Make it Obvious

• The process of behavior change always starts with awareness. You need to be aware of your habits before you can change them.

• Being specific about what you want and how you will achieve it helps you say no to things that derail progress, distract your attention, and pull you off course.

• Implementation intention formula = I will [behavior] at [time] in [location].

• Habit stacking formula = After [current habit], I will [new habit].

• Every habit is initiated by a cue. We are more likely to notice cues that stand out. Make the cues of good habits obvious in your environment. Gradually, your habits become associated not with a single trigger, but with the entire context surrounding the behavior.

2. The 2nd Law: Make it Attractive

• The more attractive an opportunity is, the more likely it is to become habit-forming.

• Habit stacking + temptation bundling formula = After [current habit], I will [habit I need]. After [habit I need], I will [habit I want].

• Surround yourself with people who have the habits you want to have yourself.

• Reframing your habits to highlight their benefits rather than their drawbacks is a fast and lightweight way to reprogram your mind and make a habit seem more attractive - I get to, rather than I have to.

• Create a motivational ritual by doing something you enjoy immediately before a difficult habit.

3. The 3rd Law: Make it Easy

• If you want to master a habit, the key is to start with repetition, not perfection.

• If you can make your good habits more convenient, you'll be more likely to follow through on them.

• Use the 2 minute rule - downscale your habits until they can be done in 2 minutes or less.

• Automate your habits. Invest in technology and onetime purchases that lock in future behavior.

4. The 4th Law: Make it Satisfying

• The cardinal rule of behavior change - what is immediately rewarded is repeated; what is immediately punished is avoided.

• A habit needs to be enjoyable for it to last. Simple bits of reinforcement can offer the immediate pleasure you need to enjoy a habit.

• Habit tracking (1) creates a visual cue that can remind you to act, (2) is inherently motivating because you see the progress you are making and don't want to lose it, and (3) feels satisfying when you record another successful instance of your habit.

• Habit stacking + habit tracking formula = After [current habit], I will [track my habit].

How to go from being merely good to being truly great

• One of the best ways to ensure your habits remain satisfying over the long run is to pick behaviors that align with your personality and skills. Work hard on the things that come easy.

• You need to regularly search for challenges that push you to your edge while continuing to make enough progress to stay motivated. Behaviors need to maintain novel in order for them to stay attractive and satisfying. 

• The greatest threat to success is not failure but boredom.

• Habits + Deliberate Practice = Mastery

• Mastery is the process of narrowing your focus to a tiny element of success, repeating it until you have internalized the skill, and then using this new habit as the foundation to advance to the next frontier of your development.

• Reflection and review enables the long-term improvement of all habits because it makes you aware of your mistakes and helps you consider possible paths for improvement.